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2:30AM Post. Today is 01/08/10 in Laguna Hills

I wake up at 2:30 am – have slept for 9 hours already. But as I wake, my mind is flooded with memories and insights from Jerusalem as if there was no time to think while there photographing and doing my work, but now the floodgates open and I am drowning in my thoughts.

My mind is buzzing with one experience after another (and not just fun things, deep things that expand awareness of God and life… things I heard from Rabbi Slauss, the experience of my first meeting with his wife, the experience of Marv at the Tomb of the Virgin, wisdom of Rabbi Braun, my time with Gil, things Rob said, a beggar that followed Rob and me continually asking for money and who I finally gave small change, the Arab quarter, how Angela said Jerusalem is too spiritually intense to stay in for long periods of time… etc….etc. And I begin to wrestle with “intention” – deciphering meaning… I am being badgered bluntly from left and right…

I need a distraction; I can’t deal with this overload.

In the dark, I find my iPhone and turn it on. I turn on the iPhone and get email…. the iPhone has a small screen, so all I see is: the larger text in of an email from Rob.

I read: “Shalom brother, do you know that when a Jew comes to Israel, he gets an extra soul, meaning a vessel for a deeper level of experience (its true), but when he leaves this soul also departs…and then body descends into the realm of the unholy and orders a ham and cheese omlette.

I forgot you in the other book, but I may begin my new book with this story:

My first response is, “you have got to be joking – maybe you are writing a comedy??? ‘I am going to begin my new book with your departure from Israel, decent into the realm of the unholy, and the lawless act of eating unclean via the ham and cheese omelette…?’  ”

Then I start getting bugged about legalities of Jewish Law from vantage western eyes and Christian teaching, and I start thinking of Paul’s writing in the new testament regarding dietary law, freedom from the law, etc,… as a defense. Then I start thinking of intention again, and the words of Guttman, Slauss, about the law being pleasing to HaShem when it is performed as  act of love to Him… When He is included in the relationship, (not a dictator measuring our performance to legality with merits for good observance and performance).

Rather than reply on the iPhone to Rob, I retrieve my laptop for writing a reply. When I open his email on the bigger screen, I see that Rob had actually written something else to start his book… and I think, “wow, where my mind goes with only a partial reading… and how easily I misunderstand but look where my mind went!” I continue to observe my thoughts.

I write back to Rob about all this and he gets a laugh out of it! Rob gives me permission to post that something else he is considering for the start of his new book.

Robert reminded me of the silence at the wall I experienced…. the occurrence inside my mind of silence, at Ha-Kotel without my effort to be silent through any method.

I became less lost in thought. The badgering stopped.

I check out a web link Lori sent me by a Dr. Michael Brown What is a Jew (and this is the same question Lela told me I needed to consider when looking at Israel when I first met her at Jaffa Gate….), and all of a sudden I have new understanding to what happened at the L.A. Aliyah office a couple months ago. I also understand better what the Messianic Jew, I heard in Jerusalem in that tiny Arab hotel, was saying about my dilemma.

What a morning already!

I click on a link and see this video… I begin watching it. More is becoming clear of my experience in Jerusalem and what I was just wrestling with in my mind.

I am still thinking every Christian needs a Rabbi…

I fall asleep.

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